How to Help Someone With Emotional Walls (The Ramparts of Ice)

Are you struggling to let people in after experiencing trauma, or wondering how to assist someone who has built up heavy emotional walls? Join us as we explore the new Netflix anime The Ramparts of Ice and uncover practical, compassionate ways to navigate these difficult situations.

Recently we took a look at The Ramparts of Ice, a manga-turned-anime that recently began airing on Netflix. The series presents a fascinating story about a young woman named Koyuki Hikawa, who endured severe bullying as a child. To protect herself from further harm, she built metaphorical ice walls around her emotions. As she grows older, she finds herself in a difficult space: she desires to break out and connect with others but remains paralyzed by fear. Consequently, the very walls she built for protection are now unintentionally pushing people away.

The story is quite tragic, especially as Hikawa encounters individuals who are genuinely trying to be kind to her. Her fictional journey mirrors a common real-life struggle. In this episode we took a look at the root causes of these emotional walls and offer up some guidance on how people can navigate this dynamic from both sides.

Guarding the Heart vs. Building Walls

Building defensive walls is a natural response to ongoing trauma and unkindness. While the bible does talk about guarding your heart, there is a distinct difference between healthy emotional protection and constructing impenetrable walls that isolate you from people forever. Hikawa’s situation illustrates this perfectly. She is genuinely sweet and kind, and she even has a good friend with whom she can unwind and be her true self. Yet, when new people attempt to interact with her genuinely, she lacks the emotional tools to handle it.

Many have experienced terrible events and find themselves in this exact position, keeping others at arm’s length and inadvertently pushing them away. We want to look at this whole situation from two different perspectives: the person who is keeping people away, and those who are stepping in to help them.

Addressing Those Who Have Built Walls

For those who are struggling and have built defensive walls, the need for self-protection is entirely understandable, especially if you’ve been through some real trauma. However, is incredibly important not to allow your past experiences with a few people to affect your view of everyone. Just because certain individuals caused pain does not mean their actions will be replicated by everyone else. Even if someone exhibits a few traits reminiscent of past abusers, it does not mean they are the same kind of person. Others must be given the chance to show who they truly are. It sounds simple, but we know it’s not, but this really is the first step.

Healing requires stepping out in faith and building trust one moment at a time. Constantly isolating yourself only prevents you from encountering those who will genuinely love and care for you. Holding onto a victim identity and pushing people away only perpetuates the isolation.

The path forward involves slowly dismantling those walls, reaching out, and allowing people back in. It is crucial to find a safe, supportive community that will offer love and guidance. A healthy community will honestly but lovingly point out unhealthy behaviors, walking alongside you through the process of healing and personal growth.

Guidance for Those Helping to Break the Ice

For those who have a heart to help individuals trapped behind these emotional ramparts, the scriptures give some pretty clear direction. Colossians 3:12-14 says:

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another. And if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all, put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

These verses highlight the key attributes necessary to help others find healing. Forgiveness is paramount; hurting individuals may lash out from their pain, and helpers must be ready to forgive. This requires operating with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and, most importantly, patience.

As Proverbs 25:15 notes, “With patience a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue will break a bone.” This proverb points out that patience and gentleness are the very tools that bring down defensive walls. Being gentle does not mean affirming wrong behavior, wrong actions should still be addressed, but it does mean correcting without being harsh.

The final portion of the passage summarizes the ultimate approach: putting on love. While many hold the mindset that “God is love,” they often mistakenly reverse it to mean “love is God.” True love must reflect all the attributes of God. It is kind and merciful, yet also just and righteous. Therefore, those seeking to help must understand the person they are dealing with, exercising patience, kindness, and meekness, and operating in true love.