Grab your space popcorn—because this week on The Bottom Shelf Podcast the crew dives shuriken-first into Ninja Assassin (2009)! From wild community reactions, to ninja lore, to a full breakdown of the film’s style, action, and legacy, this episode is packed. The guys cover everything from the opening kill-fest to the over-the-top CGI blood, the mythological ninja vibes, and even some deep cuts into 80s/90s ninja cinema history. Stick around for the spoiler section, the wild theories, and the absolute chaos that always happens when Dallas, Branson, and John get in a room. Enjoy the episode—and don’t forget to like, comment, and sub so you never miss an adventure from the bottom shelf.

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There are some movies that quietly slip into the shadows after release. But then there are movies like Ninja Assassin that sneak back up behind you years later, tap you on the shoulder, and whisper, “Hey… remember me?”

The guys dust off a late 2000’s film that crtics hated… but audiences loved? And honestly? The conversation goes places none of us expected.

The episode kicks off normal. The crew joking about pajamas, shadow-stalking, and why John keeps showing up like a discount ninja in an off-brand anime. Once the laughter settles, though, the movie of the week finally steps out of the shadows: Ninja Assassin.

Setting the Stage: What Even Is This Movie?

Before the knives start flying, the team takes a moment to read the back of the DVD box. Complete with some questionable ninja voice impressions. The tone becomes clear: this movie is here for one reason, big action, bigger blood splatter, and even bigger ninja drama.

We learn that the film comes from the people involved with The Matrix and V for Vendetta, which explains the hyper-stylized violence, dramatic lighting, and occasional “Wait… physics doesn’t work like that” moments. Korean superstar Rain, trained intensely for months to pull off the role. And he actually did great, enough that the guys start wondering how much of the movie’s budget went into his training alone.

There’s also a ton of trivia about the boy-band roots of the cast, which sparks an ongoing joke about this film unintentionally turning into a martial arts fanfic starring K-pop royalty.

Community Reactions: Apparently People Really Love This Movie??

This part of the episode took everyone by surprise. When they posted online asking for thoughts, they expected maybe a groan or two. But comment after comment came in from people saying they love this movie. They rewatch it, buy it on DVD, and defend it passionately.

That alone sets up the hilarious tension for the rest of the show:
“Is this thing actually a hidden gem… or is everyone just blinded by shurikens and nostalgia?”

Expectations Going In

The hosts all admit they’re going in with wildly different expectations.
– One remembers watching it late at night with ramen and loving every ridiculous minute.
– One saw it in theaters and remembers thinking it was just a fun, violent ride.
– One watched it back in the day, enjoyed it, and is now terrified that revisiting it will destroy the memory—his own personal Guyver 2 moment.

And honestly? That fear is understandable.

Spoiler-Free Thoughts: Ninjas, CGI Blood, and Darkness… So Much Darkness

Before diving into spoilers, the guys talk about the movie’s vibe. Ninja Assassin leans hard, HARD, into the mythological ninja archetype. We’re talking stepping out of shadows like the shadows are sentient. Ninjas disappearing in a flash with a flashlight sweep. Warriors making movements so fast they’re basically vampire blurs.

Some of the CG is dated, sure. The blood spray gets very video-game-y. The chain weapon sometimes looks like a neon glow stick. But because the whole film is leaning into this supernatural-meets-martial-arts fantasy, it kind of works. It becomes part of the charm.

There’s also a whole conversation about how this movie somehow captures the exact concept of ninjas that every kid in the 80s and 90s imagined. Like, this is the movie your childhood brain thought existed.

Spoiler Section: Let’s Talk About That Opening Scene

Once the spoiler wall drops, the crew dives straight into what might be the most iconic moment of the whole film, that opening massacre. A Yakuza hideout. Old-school tattooing. A mysterious envelope of black sand. And then… carnage. Pure, chaotic carnage.

The guys loved it.
It felt like a playable level straight out of Ghost of Tsushima or Tenchu Stealth Assassin.

From there, the team breaks down everything from the choreography to the plot quirks to the occasionally ridiculous “ninja magic.” There’s debate about whether the supernatural elements hurt the movie or make it better. There’s talk about the surprisingly heartfelt flashbacks and the rivalry that probably could’ve used more depth. And yes… the Europol agent has the thickest plot armor anyone has ever seen on film.

Missed Potential, Hidden Gems, and a Wild TMNT Theory

The conversation takes a fun left turn when they start imagining what Ninja Assassin could’ve been:

– A full anime series? Absolutely.
– A 13-episode action OVA? Easily.
– A modern Assassin’s Creed: Shadows-style storyline? 100%.
– A secret live-action prequel to Splinter and Shredder from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Shockingly plausible.

No, really. Once you hear the theory, you can’t un-hear it.

Final Thoughts

By the end of the episode, the team lands in a surprisingly unified place:
Ninja Assassin isn’t perfect… but it’s a blast. It’s stylish, it’s bloody, it’s dramatic, and it fully embraces the vibe it’s going for. The film may not have wowed critics in 2009, but it has definitely found its audience—and honestly, it’s aged better than anyone expected.

It’s part ninja fever dream, part love letter to 80s and 90s martial arts films, and part chaotic action ride… which makes it a perfect Bottom Shelf movie.